The Question That Sparked My Journey of Self-Discovery
Motherhood has always been my dream. From the moment I held my son for the first time, I knew this was the life I wanted. Watching him grow, being there for every milestone, these were the moments that filled my heart in ways I could never have imagined. I was living my dream, completely devoted to being a full-time mother. But, even with all the joy that motherhood brought, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing.
It was a seemingly ordinary day when everything began to shift. My son, who was just three years old at the time, looked up at me with his innocent eyes, full of curiosity and seriousness beyond his years. As I was dressing him, he asked me a question that would change my life: “Mummy, are you happy?”
I was taken aback. I mean, what could a three-year-old possibly know about happiness? I brushed off his question, assuring him that I was fine, and went on with our day. But his words stayed with me. Why had he asked that? What was he seeing in me that I wasn’t seeing myself?
Weeks went by, and life carried on as usual. But then, as if he somehow knew that I hadn’t fully answered him the first time, my son asked me the same question again: “Mummy, are you happy?”
This time, I couldn’t brush it off. His tone was different, serious, almost concerned. It was clear that he wasn’t asking out of curiosity; he was sensing something that I had been too busy to notice. I had to stop and really think about it.
“Are you happy?” I asked myself. And to my surprise, the answer was no. Despite having everything I had ever wanted, a wonderful child, the opportunity to be a full-time mother, a beautiful life in Austria…something was missing. I wasn’t unhappy, exactly, but I wasn’t fully present either. I wasn’t feeling as alive as I wanted to be.
I started to realize that while I was fulfilling my role as a mother, I had lost touch with other parts of myself. I was so focused on being there for my son that I had forgotten to be there for myself. There were parts of me that longed for more…more creativity, more connection, more purpose.
Admitting that I wasn’t happy was hard. It’s difficult to acknowledge that something isn’t right when, on the surface, everything seems perfect. But my son’s simple, honest question made me confront the truth I had been avoiding. It wasn’t just about whether I was happy as a mother; it was about whether I was happy as a whole person.
That question became the starting point of my journey to reconnect with myself. I began exploring what was missing, what I needed to feel more fulfilled. It was a process of rediscovering parts of myself that I had pushed aside, of finding balance, and of learning to be present not just for my family, but for myself too.
And so, this journey continues…one of self-discovery, balance, and learning to live in a way that feels fully alive. But it all started with a simple, yet profound question from my little boy: “Mummy, are you happy?”
To be continued…
With a Zenful heart,
Carolyne 💙
