When I lived in Malaysia, I learned to overcome countless challenges. In Kuala Lumpur, I thrived in a fast-paced corporate world, held leadership positions, and embraced the excitement of projects that pushed me to grow. I was confident and capable, thriving on the sense of achievement that came with each step forward. Then, in Dubai, I continued to grow—surrounded by a vibrant, cosmopolitan environment that felt like it was constantly opening doors for me. I was learning, achieving, and living a full, empowered life.
But then we moved to Austria.
Suddenly, the confidence I had built felt like it was slipping away. Austria was beautiful, but it was also foreign in a way I had never experienced before. The language barrier was immediate and constant, everything was in German. Conversations, interactions, simple daily tasks became challenges I had never anticipated. People weren’t as open or communicative as I was used to. I felt trapped.
For the first time in my life, I was deeply dependent on my husband. I had never been in that position before. I was used to handling things myself, to feeling empowered, but now I felt like I had no control. It felt like my limbs had been chopped off. I was no longer the independent, thriving woman I had been in Kuala Lumpur or Dubai. Instead, I was lost in a life where I couldn’t fully participate.
This feeling of disempowerment grew. I started to fear that everything I had achieved before; my career, my identity, my independence, might not matter anymore. It was as if all those chapters of my life were closing forever, and I was powerless to stop it. Worse, I was so consumed by this sense of misery that I couldn’t even see the struggles my husband was facing. He had just come home to start a new chapter as an entrepreneur, facing his own fears and challenges, but I couldn’t see that. I was too wrapped up in my own despair.
For months, I lived under this dark cloud. I longed for the vibrant life I had left behind and felt overwhelmed by the disconnect I felt in this new country. I couldn’t imagine how things would ever change, but I also couldn’t deny that I needed something more.
Then came a moment of clarity.
One afternoon, on a warm summer’s day, my family and I were sitting at a small beach near our home. My son was playing nearby, the sun was warm on my skin, and the gentle sound of the water brought me to a rare moment of stillness. For the first time in a long while, I allowed myself to just be in that moment. I looked around – the mountains, the peacefulness, the beauty of nature, and I realized something I hadn’t seen before: I live in a paradise!
In that moment, everything shifted for me. My son was thriving in this environment. We were surrounded by incredible nature, outdoor activities, and a supportive international community. This place was the perfect home for my son, a place where he could grow up healthy, active, and happy. I had been so focused on what I had lost that I had completely overlooked the beauty and opportunity right in front of me.
As I sat there, I understood that my unhappiness wasn’t about my external circumstances, it was about my perspective. I had been looking for fulfillment in all the wrong places, expecting it to come from outside of myself. I realized that my happiness, my sense of purpose, had to come from within. I couldn’t keep placing the burden of my happiness on my husband or anyone else. That wasn’t fair to them, and it wasn’t fair to me.
I started to remember the strength and independence that had always been a part of me, instilled in me by my mother and the strong women in my family. My grandmother’s story, in particular, had always been a pillar of inspiration. My grandmother was a woman of incredible resilience and courage. Left to raise seven children on her own due to my grandfather’s absence, she sailed from China to Malaya to escape poverty and build a life for herself and her family. My mother would often tell me stories of her bravery, her grace, and the boundless energy with which she faced every obstacle. Despite all her struggles, my grandmother remained strong, full of zest for life, and determined to provide for her children.
Her story was one I had always carried with me. It reminded me that no matter how difficult my circumstances were, I had the strength within me to overcome them. If my grandmother could endure what she had and still rise above it all, surely I could face my own challenges. This realization gave me strength. The power to change my life, to find joy, and to reclaim my happiness had always been within me.
That day on the beach, I reconnected with that strength. I realized I could rise above the disempowerment I felt, just as my grandmother had risen above her struggles. It wasn’t about external success or validation, it was about owning my story, my choices, and my happiness.
From that day forward, everything started to shift. Gratitude became my new lens, and I committed to taking back control of my happiness. I knew the journey wouldn’t be easy and that happiness is a practice, something that requires daily effort. But I was ready to rebuild, to rise again, stronger, more present, and more grateful than ever.
Till next time…
With a Zenful heart,
Carolyne 💜
